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| ... A Toast...to a new world of Candy and Monsters... | ||
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8.24.2004 | |
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Longing for solace (or: Why do I feel so tense when my wife travels?) Monika and I were talking the other day, and she came to the conclusion that she loves me even more than she did when we first were married... I have to say that I've certainly come to the same conclusion, with no doubts or regrets in my mind. Sure we have our arguments, but I'm extremely proud to say that we're damn good at conflict resolution, and I know that's a major factor in keeping a marriage together in the long term.I miss her. She's away travelling, and I'll pick her up this evening, but it puts a big hole in my life whenever she's gone. It throws our whole life out of balance - she keeps me focused... I don't wander around aimlessly when she's around (Monika might disagree, but it's true :)... I have purpose when she's around - I have drive to do things right for her, for our family. When she's gone, I feel like I'm back in 1994, just bumbling around except now I live in DC and my stomach is starting to grow out. I'm not complaining, I guess - it would be stupid for me to take this wonderful person in my life for granted and complain about our lives... I guess I'm just wanting to make these feelings more tangible for me so I can figure them out. Funny thing how other people can make your life so complicated! :) Posted by sarcophage @ 11:32:00 AM Add or check out a |
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8.23.2004 | |
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Closed Door. Sartre a célèbre écrit "l'enfer est d'autres" dans son jeu torturé faisant participer un homme et deux femmes fermés à clef dans une chambre. Il devrait avoir inclus le mot français pour le "travail" dans cette ligne. l'"enfer est un bureau avec d'autres."Pensez cela - je considérais le brillant avec lequel Sartre a proposé ce concept que le futur atroce final de nos âmes n'a pas exigé la torture, le feu, ou même le brimstone ; :) il a seulement eu besoin de porte, et de quelques corps pour remplir l'espace vide. Et peut-être une chaise ou quelque chose. De toute façon, alors j'ai commencé à regarder autour de moi. Pièce, de temps en temps avec d'autres dans elle. De temps en temps (et effrayant plus souvent), d'autres avec qui je ne souhaite pas passer mon temps. Une porte. Aucunes fenêtres. TROIS chaises (ceci montre que le bureau est plus atroce que Sartre pourrait avoir imaginé - il presque invite d'autres à visiter). La chose drôle est celle en Huis Clos, Garcin ne connaît pas précédemment ses compagnons - il convoite après un (ok, voici où ils commencent à diverger...!!!), mais elle est insatisfaisante, et ne peut pas lui fournir le rachat. Elle - Estelle - des convoitises après lui, mais lui est toute pour le rien, car il a besoin d'Inez, la lesbienne, pour le valider. Et ainsi Inez elle-même est torturé par sa convoitise pour Estelle, qui peut ne jamais la renvoyer. Ok, presque perdu vous là pendant une min - j'arrose en bas du jeu un peu, mais si vous remplacez le concept de la convoitise et le sexuality des caractères pour le concept de l'attention et le rapport entre différents niveaux de gestion, nous sommes de retour dans les affaires. Considérez Stefan, l'employé plus bas qui blâme chacun autrement de son incapacité d'être proactif et d'excéder des espérances - quand en réalité, il juste n'essaye pas. Considérez Wolfgang, à qui Stefan regarde à contrecoeur jusqu', et lequel à l'attention Stefan implore plus que n'importe quoi - mais en raison de l'attitude record et faible déchirée en lambeaux du travail de Stefan, feuilles de Wolfgang derrière. Et considérez Uwe, qui a une telle basse estime d'individu qu'il entoure lui-même avec l'irrévérence et la duperie en traitant en ami Stefan, riant de toutes ses plaisanteries, et égalise tourner une oreille sourde quand il est fait au bout de certains d'entre eux... et Stefan poignarde finalement Uwe avec son propre couteau barbelé et les deux peuvent ne jamais récupérer. Considérez l'enfer pas que d'autres sont fermées à clef ensemble dans une chambre, mais qu'elles sont enchaînées ensemble par le travail, et responsabilité, et beaureaucracy. Considérez ce que vous faites, et les enfers chacun de nous sont emprisonnés dedans quotidiennement - bondissez par notre chèque de règlement et notre petite dent minuscule dans le rouage d'horloge des affaires. Parfois nous faisons même l'erreur que nous sommes importants, et qu'il soit cruciale pour que la machine fonctionne notre dent. Jetez à un regard autour de vous... les coups d'oeil de chaque vitesse les mêmes au clockmaker. George et Stefan et Uwe ont seulement un un autre à traiter, mais nous avons d'autres dans le lieu de travail aussi bien. Les gens qui nous font le rire et qui ont des histoires intéressantes à le dire. Peuplez qui ne passent pas leur jour entier traçant leur vengeance sur "le système," sans le respect - ou parfois avec le grand respect aux dommages qu'elles causent. Certains d'entre nous naissent pour faire vaciller les machines - pour que les dents se échappent du tour chaque tellement souvent... les machines peuvent être reconstruites, et parfois il est meilleur, plus fort - plus efficace. Parfois il se rectifie à une halte. La plupart du temps cependant, il subsistances justes tournant malgré le tout ceci. Posted by sarcophage @ 4:40:00 PM Add or check out a |
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Huis Clos. Sartre famously wrote "Hell is other people" in his tortured play involving a man and two women locked in a room. He should have included the french word for "work" in that line. "Hell is an office with other people."Think about it - I was considering the brilliance with which Sartre came up with this concept - that the ultimate hellish future of our souls did not require torture, fire, or even brimstone; :) it only needed a door, and a few bodies to fill up the empty space. And maybe a chair or something. Anyhow, then I started looking around me. Room, occasionally with other people in it. Occasionally (and frighteningly more often), other people who I do not wish to spend my time with. One door. No windows. THREE chairs (this proves that the office is more hellish than Sartre could have imagined - it's almost inviting other people to visit). The funny thing is that in No Exit, Garcin does not previously know his companions - he lusts after one (ok, here's where they start to diverge...!!!), but she is inadequate, and can not provide him with redemption. She - Estelle - lusts after him, but it is all for naught, as he needs Inez, the lesbian, to validate him. And so Inez is herself tortured by her lust for Estelle, who can never return it. Ok, almost lost you there for a minute - I'm watering down the play a bit, but if you replace the concept of lust and the sexuality of the characters for the concept of attention and the relationship between different levels of management, we're back in business. Consider Stefan, the lower level employee who blames everyone else for his inability to be proactive and exceed expectations - when in reality, he just doesn't try. Consider Wolfgang, who Stefan grudgingly looks up to, and whose attention Stefan craves more than anything - but due to Stefan's tattered work record and poor attitude, Wolfgang leaves behind. And consider Uwe, who has such low self esteem that he surrounds himself with disrespect and deceit by befriending Stefan, laughing at all his jokes, and even turning a deaf ear when he is made the butt of some of them... and Stefan ultimately stabs Uwe with his own barbed knife and the two can never recover. Consider hell not that other people are locked together in a room, but that they are chained together by work, and responsibility, and beaureaucracy. Consider what you do, and the hells each of us are trapped in daily - bound by our paycheck and our tiny little cog in the clockwork of business. Sometimes we even make the mistake that we are important, and that our cog is crucial for the machine to function. Take a look around you... every gear looks the same to the clockmaker. George and Stefan and Uwe only have one another to deal with, but we do have other people in the workplace as well. People who make us laugh and who have interesting stories to tell. People who don't spend their entire day plotting their revenge on "the system," with no regard - or sometimes with great regard to the damage they cause. Some of us are born to cause the machinery to wobble - for the teeth to slip out of turn every so often... the machinery can be rebuilt, and sometimes it is better, stronger - more efficient. Sometimes it grinds itself to a halt. Mostly though, it just keeps turning in spite of all this. Posted by sarcophage @ 3:26:00 PM Add or check out a |
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8.05.2004 | |
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Happy Birthday ... to me... So today's my birthday. Yay for me! I realized with this birthday that things have finally slowed down to "adult" level, and I'm now just grumpy about my birthdays like everybody else. I sat up Monday night trying to remember how the hell old I was (I'm 26)... it took me about 10 minutes to do the math enough times that I'd convinced myself I wasn't really 27...That was kinda scary - I almost lost a whole year!! Anyway, with that realization (that birthdays are not necessarily some magical time) came the realization that I don't want to lose that magic of the birthdays and the fun of being a kid. So I'm not going to. Screw being an adult! I thought for awhile that it's actually the gifts that made birthdays so fun and something to look so forward to - it's not, actually. Even though that's nice and all, it's the fun of spending time with your friends, having a good time together (for example: going to King's Dominion!) and not worrying about all the stupid little things we all worry about day to day - even if just for a little while. Because yes, Virginia, I worry about those things too. I just don't talk about them. I prefer to get things figured out on my own, and frequently the solution to some problem hits me at random times - I find that if I don't obsess over something, it's easier to look at it from different angles. But I digress - (as usual). Remember that Marilyn Monroe was found dead on this day in 1962. That's now 42 years ago. Posted by sarcophage @ 11:50:00 AM Add or check out a |
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