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| ... A Toast...to a new world of Candy and Monsters... | ||
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1.23.2004 | |
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The duality of blogging. I realized the other day that I am slowly becoming two people: The day-to-day me, and the "blog" me. The day-to-day me is generally in a good mood, has fun with life, and tries not to get too upset about anything. The "blog" me is rapidly becoming very dark and philosophical, and watches the human race with a shadowy eye, suspicious and critical.I also realized that it's not actually two people - they're both really me, but the blog me is allowed to feel deep emotion and view the world a little bit from afar - the day-to-day me tries to keep everything on the same level, an "everyone deserves to be treated fairly" attitude. It occurred to me that I'm able to articulate all of these things because I finally feel enough at peace in my life to allow these thoughts to materialize. I was afraid before - afraid to acknowledge that everything in the world, in my life wasn't great - afraid that if I started to feel some of these things then I would acknowledge my own faults, and things would fall apart. The trouble was, I wasn't allowing myself to see that things could fall apart at any time - but it was because I was ignoring it. I don't know if I'll act any differently with this realization - I probably won't. I do know that I don't plan on changing my writing either. Posted by sarcophage @ 1:53:00 PM Add or check out a |
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Strength. Last night I was walking to go outside my apartment building, and as I was leaving, I crossed paths with a guy who had multiple sclerosis, or another degenerative nerve disease... As he shuffled along, all of his limbs were curled up in odd ways, and he was struggling to keep his head pointed in one direction.I kept walking for a moment, when I started thinking about what that must feel like... Having to fight against your own body every second of every day... Not being able to do a simple thing like make your arm move straight in the direction you want it to... Not being able to communicate properly because you are unable to provide the proper body langugage... Collapsing into bed every night, exhausted because you have had to expend three times as much energy as other people just to get around. Energy to move, energy because your body is fighting, energy to fight back. That man was one of the most tiny, frail looking human beings I have ever seen, but he had seen it all - this was just another day. As if to illustrate the very definition of poignant irony, I immediately passed three twenty-something girls giggling about American Idol or some such show. They were walking around without a care in the world, their worries completely wrapped around how awful the singers in Texas were. I turned around and watched them pass the other gentleman, and saw them break their three-across line into one and two to get around him. They kept walking, giggling and taking every step for granted. The Veil remains. And the man kept shuffling. Posted by sarcophage @ 1:34:00 PM Add or check out a |
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1.21.2004 | |
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Get in the van. For the past few days I've been listening to the brilliant audio version of Henry Rollins' journal reflections of his years of touring through the US and Europe with the band Black Flag.He recounts sleeping on people's dirty floors in his tattered coat, being cold and wet all the time, and constantly wondering when the next time he would get to eat would be. There are stories about playing in front of people who had paid to see him - that "fans" would come to the show and punch him repeatedly in the face if he got too close to the edge of the stage. That at almost every show a regime of skinheads would come and try to start a riot - skinheads that he was lumped in with simply because he chose to have a short haircut. Upon returning, he learned that certain friends in Washington DC would never talk to him again because he had "sold out" and become a "rock star." People he grew up with - so thick-headed in their conviction to "punk rock" that they would annihilate a relationship with someone they'd known for years. The last thing I heard after all this horror was about how much he hated sitting at home, idle in his (literal) toolshed; and that despite the awful conditions all he could think about was how badly he wanted to be back out there on the tour. This got me to thinking how incredibly lucky it is for him to have something that he could give his heart, soul, sweat, and definitely blood for. Something that he would give everything else up for - something that was both the worst decision and the best decision he would ever make. So few of us are blessed with having that "one thing" in their lives - and even fewer of us are blessed with the courage to do something about it. We sit in our cages of comfort, jailing ourselves behind steel bars of television and locks of fast food and warm apartments. I suppose it's important to realize that not everyone's "one thing" is a job, or a possession - it could be - should be - a person. Or persons. A family, perhaps - whether by blood or by circumstance. Those people are lucky too. The brass ring is just out of our reach - and if only we would let go of the safety pole for a split second to feel the ultimate freedom and the ultimate fear - we could grab it. It's time. Posted by sarcophage @ 1:47:00 PM Add or check out a |
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1.12.2004 | |
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Today sucks. And here are the reasons why:1) I said so. 2) I feel like it. 3) I forgot my cellphone, so I can not make some important calls and contacts which I need to make - FAST. 4) I only applied for one thing during the weekend, and I should have done more. 5) I am a huge burden and a pain in the ass generally. 6) There is no number 6. 7) I took the time to make this list rather than getting my ass in gear. 8) My ass is not in gear. 9) I have wasted much time complaining and/or not doing "something about it." 10) I made the "there is no number 6 joke." 11) I briefly considered myself having made a joke above. I reconsider this status. 12) This list hasn't stopped yet, and I'm on #12 13) I quit. This sucks too. Posted by sarcophage @ 1:25:00 PM Add or check out a |
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1.08.2004 | |
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Ohio lottery fiasco ends. I just read that the lawsuit surrounding the recent Ohio lottery winner has been dropped, and the plaintiff in the case admitted to lying about the whole thing.Apparently, the woman who brought the lawsuit to bear claimed she had lost her ticket, and that she was *sure* that this other person had found/stolen it, and had brought it in to claim the $100+ million prize. The name of the woman who lied is "Elecia Battle." That should've tipped Lottery officials off right there. In addition, she also has a violent and checkered history - credit card fraud, assault of a drug store clerk (huh?), and criminal trespassing. This actually led me to wonder if there is such a thing as "legal trespassing." Anyhow, she is now going to be charged with filing a false police report, much the same that Michael Jackson is supposedly guilty of. Hm... Are we starting down the road to keeping false claims and frivolous lawsuits at bay by threatening jail time? Let's hope so. On the other hand, I don't think I could handle getting rid of "Fribble-ous lawsuits." Those things are just too damn good. Posted by sarcophage @ 1:58:00 PM Add or check out a |
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Blog envy. I just realized that Reuben's blog is infinitely cooler than any of the other blogs I know of - including my own, despite its recent facelift, and the fact that I have Frankenstein's monster on it now.Reuben doesn't have that frickin' annoying "GOOGLEAD" banner up at the top - I hate that thing! It messes up the layout of my blog! Damn it! actually, it's just because it conflicts with the color scheme. Oh well. Plus, he has robots. I on the other hand, am restricted to monsters. You can only have one or the other. And I suppose if I wanted to find a picture of candy, I could do that Posted by sarcophage @ 1:50:00 PM Add or check out a |
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1.07.2004 | |
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New Year's Challenge Kim came up with a great idea for New Year's - a "challenge" of things that we all kind of want to see each other do.I thought this was a terrific idea for all of us - it's kind of interesting to see what things our friends will come up with for each other. Actually coming UP with those things, however, is rather difficult. I had lots of grandiose ideas - "Start a company!", "Find a new job!" but they were kind of ridiculous. I also decided I was becoming a bit too preachy and FAR too much like somebody's mother. Exactly whose mother I will never tell. To combat this sudden rash of responsibility and therefore guilt, I decided to stick to some more "fun" stuff, but then I couldn't come up with very many "fun" ideas! I started to put in things that I like - "Aaron/Dave/Kim, etc.- listen to this favorite album of mine, read this favorite book of mine, watch this favorite movie of mine." Well, I chickened out of that too, afraid no one would like my stuff. (The music, I know, is already pretty much out. I prefer to think of it in terms not that I have altogether "awful" taste in music, but that my choices to display my tastes to my friends are generally poor. Yeah. That's it.) And now I wish I had told somebody to organize a movie night where we could watch Brazil, one of my favorite movies of all time, and some time to discuss it afterwards. I love that kind of stuff - actually, Brazil or Mulholland Drive maybe. Dammit, where were these ideas 10 minutes ago!! Sumbitch! Posted by sarcophage @ 1:38:00 PM Add or check out a |
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Diary of a Mad Band. That's the title of a Jodeci album (you know Jodeci - those crazy R&B singers who had hits such as "You'll Never Remember This Song," and "The Same Song As All the Other R&B Guys"), but I always thought that title was pretty cool.Then I saw a band called the Dave Brockie Experience (Dave Brockie aka Oderus Urungus from GWAR. Have you found GWAR yet? www.gwar.com). The Dave Brockie Experience has an album called "Diarrhea of a Madman." Case closed. Posted by sarcophage @ 11:34:00 AM Add or check out a |
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Band kaput. Well, I had to tell my friends in the band that I wasn't able to continue playing. That sucked. I didn't want to stop, but it was really the right thing to do - we weren't too involved yet (ie nobody put any money into anything), but it was going to get there. Both of them were incredibly nice about it - I just told them I had some things to work out in my life, and that was basically that. Both of them also lied and said I was a good guitar player :)(see, I've really sucked in the guitar department for the last year or so. No focused practice, I reckon). We were getting REALLY good at a handful of heavy and difficult songs, almost all of which I really enjoyed. (I enjoyed all of them, but for some reason, as much as I like listening to Alice in Chains, playing their songs just isn't as fun). I think the band name was going to be "Risen from Ashes" which I didn't like that much. Parthena (the singer) came up with the name "Living on Ashes" which I think is a much stronger name. What do you think? Post your comments in the newly added comments section! Yeah, buddy! So that's the end of that. I was a little frustrated that we didn't have a drummer yet, and none of us were particularly good at keeping on time (I'm notorious for having a poor sense of timing - in music and in life, too. Ouch.), so that made things a little difficult, but it was a good exercise for me to stay on rhythm. There were a lot of practices where I had my eyes shut as tightly as I could, trying to count out where the "one" was on a given riff. Definitely took me down a couple of notches, but it made me realize where I need some work. Hm. Add "practice rhythm" to my to-do list. Anybody have a job opening? Posted by sarcophage @ 11:30:00 AM Add or check out a |
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1.06.2004 | |
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For Lori.... Well, it appears that at least ONE other person is actually reading my blog, which I find both heartening and exciting, because I don't know Lori, but I know I'll meet her some day. That's pretty cool.So this post is for you, Lori - I don't have any stories about cats behaving weirdly (we don't have a cat), I can't offer any insight into pregnancy (being neither a woman nor an obstetrician), and I really don't have any good racial slurs to dish out. Oh wait, that last one's Aaron's doing. Always good for a racial slur or two, that Aaron. Anyway, thanks Lori :) And now, back to www.realultimatepower.net Posted by sarcophage @ 5:48:00 PM Add or check out a |
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1.05.2004 | |
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3rd post of the day and still kickin'! I'm always pretty introspective on these sullen, grey days - today I started thinking about all the good stuff in my life right now... Sure there are things I need to change about myself, about my life, and about my pants (don't ask), but I'm very happy. Satisfied? No. But happy, yes.I want to thank my lovely wife for so many things... (am I accepting an Oscar here? What happened?) I want to thank her for sticking by me for so long... for sticking it TO me (when I needed it) for almost as long... for allowing me to try and show her what happiness is - and for her actually showing me what happiness is. Happiness is being able to wash the dishes together and still have fun... happiness is being able to smile and laugh when jokes are funny, and groan and laugh when they are NOT! I'm sure Charlie Brown has more to say about the subject, but I'm satiated. Posted by sarcophage @ 12:41:00 PM Add or check out a |
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A New Post. Christmas and New Year's was great this year. Truly great - I got to spend a lot of time with the most important people in my life - my sister and brother-in-law , and nephew, and parents-in-law, my friends, and most importantly, my wife.I got some cool stuff this year - most notoriously a deluxe, hoopty-sized Leonardo da Vinci book that weighed over THIRTY pounds - this we carted back from Dallas IN A SUITCASE! It's a beautiful book, though, and I'm sure it was a nice gift-giving break from all the plentiful DVDs I had asked for. My wife and I WARNING: What follows is due to a corruption of the Blogger.com database - I did not write any of the following information, but what I did write - a touching children's story about a lost little girl and her only friend - a ragged puppy that was sure to win the Newberry Award, has been lost forever. --- Start weirdness alshington That�s Joe Gibbs, to all you other NFL infidels and heathens - the Hall of Fame coach who led the Washington Redskins to three Super Bowl titles in the 1980s and early '90s. Since the advent of the Carolina Panthers, my exile from the D.C. area has been made increasingly painful by Panther game broadcasts taking precedence over my Redskins. Yeah, okay � the Panthers are doing well and I�m happy for them, but for one thing � we have to share them with South Carolina, which takes some shine off, for me at least. And my allegiance to the Redskins was forged long, long ago as I fiddled with the dials on my father�s old radio � it was taller than my scrawny, 8 year old body � trying to bring in Redskin game broadcasts. My little, wide-spot-in-the-road community could bring in an NFL team - and I'd still be a devoted Redskins fan. I�m a little apprehensive as to how Joe will work with owner Daniel Snyder (nutcase that he was, I still miss Jack Kent Cooke). Even if Gibbs has lost his touch as a coach � something that remains to be seen � he�s still a gre --- End Schizophrenia Ok, here's what I actually wrote: A New Post. Christmas and New Year's was great this year. Truly great - I got to spend a lot of time with the most important people in my life - my sister and brother-in-law , and nephew, and parents-in-law, my friends, and most importantly, my wife. I got some cool stuff this year - most notoriously a deluxe, hoopty-sized Leonardo da Vinci book that weight over THIRTY pounds - this we carted back from Dallas IN A SUITCASE! It's a beautiful book, though, and I'm sure it was a nice gift-giving break from all the plentiful DVDs I had asked for. My wife and I also had the opportunity to get a gift for a foster child this year, though a program at her office. They asked us to find a gift for an older kid, who are apparently the most neglected of foster kids - everybody wants a baby, nobody wants a 16 year old... they're ostensibly already grown. Anyway, I was a little apprehensive at first - after all, the kid had only one gift on his list - a PLAYSTATION 2. (!) Not exactly what you might expect for a gift for christmas from some strangers who'll probably never even see a picture of you, much less meet. That was what finally drove me to saying yes - I really felt good getting that thing wrapped and knowing it'd definitely get some good use, and hopefully keep a kid from getting himself into trouble. We got a load of games from mr. Aaron identicalcousins.blogspot.com and that made it all that much better. Sigh. We can only hope to see him on the Tony Hawk's Pro Skater videogame championships someday. Posted by sarcophage @ 11:16:00 AM Add or check out a |
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FINALLY!! Hey folks, I'm back. I guess I should say "Hey, folk. I'm back." Reuben's back today too (I think). Yay! Hope there wasn't too much to be done in the world of graphic design.Man, my blog has been pissing me off lately. Not my blog, I guess - blogger.com, or my new computer at work... anyway, SOMETHING has been keeping me from being able to blog for over a MONTH! Can you frickin' believe that? I can. But then again, I was the one it was happening to. Yep, life with blog again. I think I'll start a new post so I don't go all pessimistic on yo' ass. Posted by sarcophage @ 11:07:00 AM Add or check out a |
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